Thursday, April 01, 2010

Hal runs for Mayor!

Rogue Valley Runners is excited to announce that its very own
Hal Koerner III is in the running to become Ashland's next mayor!


In an effort to "lower health care costs" Hal is campaigning for a tax break for employees that run or bike to work.  When asked if walkers will be included in this tax break, Hal commented, "depends on where they buy their shoes." When asked what he thought about his chances of winning, Hal didn't miss a beat, "the competition is soft and this is a race I'm sure to win."

Hal may seem overly confident, but it is well-founded.  In 2009 Ashland's Chamber of Commerce bequeathed Hal with the "New Business of the Year Award".  And his accolades don't stop there.  Also in 2009, Hal defended his title at the esteemed Western States 100 Mile Endurance, earning himself the first place bronze cougar trophy.  We at RVR believe that Hal cannot rely on his two cougar trophies, but instead the voting power of Ashland's burgeoning cougar population to win him this electoral office.  May the best man win!

10 comments:

Anton said...

Absolute classic.

crowther said...

Good resume, but if he wants to be a contender he's going to need a photo in which he doesn't appear stoned.

Craig Thornley said...

I love how you can write in third person about yourself and it really does seem like somebody else is writing it. As Monkeyboy would say, quality.

Ashland Electorate said...

Greg,
Maybe in Seattle you can't run for mayor looking stoned but in Ashland it pretty much is a requirement. It was the talk of today's drum circle and even the homeless guys on the plaza were like totally into it. I think the co-op board may endorse Hal since the store is like for sure pretty green. They're only asking that he stock more hemp clothing.

Billy Burger said...

Haha. Nice.

Let's work on the side part though.

crowther said...

Ashland Electorate: Fair enough. But maybe he should have a separate non-stoned photo to hand out after church?

Rogue Valley Runners said...

all that matters is that American flag on the lapel.

hk

Rogue Valley Runners said...

by the way, it was "Retail Business of the Year."

hk

c.varner said...

ha. april fools... it only took 8 hrs for the old man to find our post. and you call yourself a blog stalker - actually, i just call you that ;)

AJW said...

I am bringing a group of 16 year-olds from Sun Valley to Ashland later this month for the Shakespeare Festival and they need community service hours. If you need some volunteers for your campaign just let me know and I'll make arrangements. I showed the class your blog today and all the girls suddenly paid attention. See you in a couple weeks.

AJW